I was just doing a little bit of adulting, folding laundry that has been sitting in the dryer for three days, when a thought occurred to me…
I’m not sorry for being me.
Why should I be sorry?
I realized that I tend to over think situations and even my own feelings. When this over thinking happens I succumb to a darker depression and become unbearable. I tune everything out and shutdown. Nothing, at this point, can snap me out of it. It runs its course and pushing everyone and everything aside.
During this time, especially if I am in a relationship, all I tend to do is apologize. Apologize for something I can’t control. I apologize for being me.
Why should I be sorry for being me?
The thought of that is just sad. Instead of apologizing, I should be appreciative of the support I have. Instead of saying “sorry” I should say “Thank you.”
Thank you for being here for me during my low times. Thank you for loving me when I can’t seem to love myself.
How great it is when the hand you hold is a hand that is lifting you up. The hand that is keeping your head above water.
It’s not until we lose that hand that we realized how we relied on it so much.
So many people have been telling me that I don’t need anyone.
It’s a double-edged sword. The idea of myself is so lonely that it’s a wonderful thing to have someone willing to listen and to reach out their hand. At the same time, the idea of myself is so burdening that having that hand becomes an obsession.
I miss you.
More than you know.
I’m not apologizing for myself anymore. I apologize for trusting too much. I apologize for not opening up more. I apologize for opening up too much. I apologize for loving too easily…
But I will not apologize for being me.