A Realization Never Realized

A fresh new aspect of life is introduced to you.  It changes the very thread of your existence.  It commands you and dictates you.  It fills every moment and every thought.  You don’t know where it came from and you don’t care.  Right now it is your everything.

No other song can compare.

No other taste can compete.

No other feeling can surface.

No other.

A fresh new aspect of life is taken away from you.  It left a hole in the very thread of your existence.  It left you stranded and directionless.  Every moment and thought are now desolate.  You don’t know where it went and you care deeply, because it took everything.

Every time this happens you are left with only one question.  One question that no one can answer.  One question that will haunt you until the end of you…

Why am I like this?

Why am I beyond passionate for a spark of a moment with one aspect at a time?  Why do I care so deeply about anything so much more than anyone can comprehend?  Why do I let it slide away as easily as it came?

Why didn’t I have a choice?

Why didn’t I get a warning?

Why didn’t I give a warning?

This can and often happens with anything and any given time.  Music. Food. Sports. Art. Television. Religion. Literature.  The most devastating has to be relationships, for both parties.

I’ve been accused of “playing the game.”  That the thrill of seeking out a relationship and the process of courting is what I desire, not the relationship itself.  Iv’e been told that once I have accomplished this goal the fun is over, I have no end game, because in my mind the game is already over.  I won and now it’s time for the next game.  Always looking for the next thrill, the next hunt, the next high, and the next challenge.

So many times that has been said.  Not just in a relationship basis but also in work related instances.  I “act like life is a video game.”

Is it so abnormal to stop pursuing things that are longer a challenge or stimulating?  What happens when you are eating a meal and the meal no longer appeals to your taste buds?  Do you force yourself to choke down the now unappetizing morsels?  What happens when you are reading and book and the plot becomes dry and complaisance and no longer shows signs of a stunning climax?  Do you force yourself to continue reading knowing that you will regret the time you spent turning the pages without compelling memories of a great story?

Of course the major difference is those are events that only affect you and not another person.  Another being with emotions and a soul.  Playing games with another person’s being is an atrocity that  everyone should never have to experience.

Why do I do it?

Why do relationships only last but a moment before they become stagnant and disappointing.  Perhaps when the courting is over the expectations are never met by either side, so it begins to feel one-sided and dry.  When one person runs a race against no others, it no longer becomes a race.  The idea of winning a medal is lost with the lack of effort from the others.  Yeah, you won, congratulations…here’s a hard round piece of metal with a ribbon glued to it.

Yeah, you’re in a relationship, congratulations…here’s a person who doesn’t seem to care with a bunch of emotion glued to it.

A long time ago a very important person was trying to teach me something.  Being young I didn’t take heed to the lesson but one thing stood out:

“Husbands, it is your job to adore your wife.  Wives, it is your job to be adore-able.”

On the surface it seems like that just means the “wife” needs to just be cute while the “husband” needs to do all the work.  Dig deeper and you start to realize the complexity of that advice.   It goes along with what a wily  guy once said to a bunch of adolescent teenagers going through their first prepubescent crushes and love interests: “the definition of love is wanting the best for the other person, always.”

Both of these ideas never had a chance to play a role into my life.  Not before I let everything walk away from indifference.

If you want to be loved, be willing to love in return and love first.

If you want to remain loved, be willing to love without expectation of love.

Love because you want to love.

Admire because you see something beautiful.

Be faithful because you want to be loved.

Both ways.

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